Twilight Challenge – Dusk Recap

The Twilight Saga (film series)

The Twilight Saga (film series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Original

Word Count – 119227

Page Count – 181

Chapters – 25

Times Edward is mentioned – 437

Times Cullen is mentioned – 95

Times Bella is mentioned – 231

Times Swan is mentioned – 16

 

Re Write

Word Count – 58,028

Page Count – 135

Times Edward is mentioned – 168

Times Cullen is mentioned – 51

Times Bella is mentioned – 96

Times Swan is mentioned – 10

 

I have lost all sanity.  I have been to the edge of the Abyss and due to a lack of balance I have fallen over.

The almost impossible has been done.  As you can see from the above statistics I have recreated the first book in the Twilight Saga to be more than it was.  It is interesting, there are better characters and there is more plot.  More than that, it is much shorter by half.

What have I learned?

Never take on such a challenge again.  While I have uncovered a few funny moments that had me laughing out loud…. Never again.  I have drowned in adjectives.  It was awful.

What is cool to see is how others see this newly written version.

The next step is to redo New Moon.  For that I need a new title, possibly Dark Moon.  In it I intend to not let Bella be a stupid ho bag.  Edward is missing but Jacob has a much better chance of being with the girl he loves.  The twist?  Bella is faced with a choice.  Someone must be punished for killing the other vampires and it is up to her to decide.  In this, not everyone wins and I am hoping to create some tension *gasp* God forbid.

One thing I plan on doing is taking a while off from posting.  Rather than post as I complete I want to take the time to change the plot and make sure everything is consistent.  No name changes half way through and no random points that don’t fit the whole theme.

I can promise that as I go along things are moving much fasted and there will be very little need for Eclipse with the exception of some chapter content here and there.  As per the challenge details I am limiting the saga to 3 books rather than 4 and each new book is much shorter.  Still terrible but less of it.

Enjoy.

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Flash Fiction Friday – Words Unsaid

Good morning and Happy Friday!

Been awhile since my last Flash Fiction so today I am adding a song to make it up to my faithful followers.

This song is fantastic and I love the group.  Feel free to start the music and then read the story.

*******

The dripping of coffee woke him and the smell was like perfume.  The sun was shining and even the cats seemed content to just sit there rather than beg to be fed.

She was sleeping still.  Even in slumber she looked worried.  Bags were under her eyes and tears still crusted on her cheeks.  Last night had not been good.  Kyle still was not sure what went wrong.  One minute they were laughing and then the switch.  She refused to get help.  I am just moody, she would say.  It happens.

Bullshit, he thought.  But what was so damn bad?

*******

Beth knew she should get up but sleep was hard enough as it was.  She wanted those last few moments.   She had not told him about the job yet.  He had enough going on.  Just like he did not need to know about the baby yet.

Not planned, but she was pretty sure the signs were there.  She did not know how to tell him and the last thing she wanted was to force him to stay.  As it was he was distant and she did not know why.  They spent so much time not saying anything.  The door closed.

*******

He tried not to disturb her as he left.  Kyle wondered why she was being so weird but the less he did to set her off the better.  Not like she gave him any ideas on what to do.  Sometimes women were just crazy and unless she spoke up there was no reason to get worked up.  He knew Beth would speak up when she was ready.  For the moment he was content planning out a nice evening out.

They had not gone out to the movies so there was that.  Anything had to be better than the baby movie.

*******

Beth walked into work.  She had new shoes on.  You know what they say, new shoes new attitude, she thought.  Or at least I feel tall.  That was always nice.

She debated texting Kyle but decided not to.  Today was supposed to be less hectic and the last thing she wanted was to mess that up for him.  Instead she debated what to do about dinner.  Money was tight but she was sure there was some frozen chicken and veggies to be made.  That might be nice.

Later that day came her monthly gift.  No wonder I’m crabby, she thought.

The End

What did you think?  How often do you feel like you are over reacting to nothing, or letting hormones drive you nuts?

Tell Me A Story – Part 3

After much delay I have finished part 3.  My apologies Emma for waiting so long.  I did use your idea for the roommate, but we shall see what happens next.

For anyone not familiar with the Tell Me A Story Series check out the first chapter here, and don’t forget to visit Amber West’s blog since she is the one who started the tradition.

Remember to vote in the comments!

*******

Amber turned first, feeling her body burn as she did. How dare someone cause a scene at her sister’s funeral! This was a time for mourning, not being dramatic. Immediately she spied the culprit. It was Lindsey, Sarah’s old roommate from college. Fuming, Amber grabbed Lindsey’s hand and led the woman to one of the back rooms. Thankfully this was not one which housed bodies waiting for viewing. The last thing she wanted was another corpse to deal with.

Lindsey was still sobbing but much quieter than before. Amber glared at the woman until there were only some light sniffles. Lindsey grabbed a tissue from her purse, already used from the looks of it. “Oh Amber, I just cannot believe she is gone.”

Fresh tears threatened to fall and Amber suppressed a sigh. “Look, can you hold yourself together for a few more hours? It will be over soon I promise.”

The other woman nodded and wiped her eyes. “I just cannot believe it. One minute we are on the phone laughing and the next the line went dead.”

Amber looked sharply at Lindsey. “Excuse me?”

“We were just talking on the phone about some guy we knew in college, the really creepy one who always seemed like he was stalking us. She was feeling lonely since Kadin was out doing errands,” Lindsey looked more miserable than before though at least she was holding the tears back. “We laughed about it and she said she had heard some big news about him then the line went dead. Oh what if I could have done something? What if I had called the police sooner?”

Amber just stood there, the creep of shock coming over her. Why had Kadin said Sarah died in his arms if she had been on the phone and him out of the house? Lindsey was not lying, but was she certain about the timing? The police report said it was a burglar and Kadin claimed it was murder… Could he have been right?

A knock on the door startled both women and Lindsey gasped.

“Are you ladies okay?” Kadin asked.

Amber glared at him for a moment and grabbed Lindsey’s hand. Brushing by him she huffed and said “Fucking dandy.”

No matter if he was innocent or not she had no desire to be alone with him. She delivered Lindsey to her worried boyfriend and nodded when he started to thank her. Anything to get Lindsey out of her hair. She looked back at the casket and saw there was a short line and that people were already starting to head to the cars for the funeral service. Dammit she missed the initial introductions. This day was not going well at all….

“The hardest part is not over yet.” a male voice said beside her. She looked up and saw a handsome young man just gazing at the casket.

“Have we met?” Amber asked, too tired to be super polite any more.

“No, I went to college with your sister and Lindsey. My apologies, I am being rude. My name is William Stanson, you must be Amber.”

“Yes,” was all she said. She looked at him again. He was taller than her, even in heels, and his dark brown hair was slightly messy. His brown eyes kept moving from her face to the casket, almost nervously.

He nodded as though coming to some conclusion. “It was a pleasure to meet you but I must be going.” With that he turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Amber started to go after him, to ask about his strange behavior but someone took her arm. She turned and opened her mouth to tell the person off but stopped at the look on Kadin’s face. It was darker than she had ever seen and his dark green eyes were flashing anger. If looks could kill this would have wiped out a town.

“Stay away from him Amber.”

She pulled her arm back. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

For a second Kadin looked like he was ready to throw her over a shoulder and carry her away but he just stepped back.  “Whatever. Do whatever and enjoy the consequences. Just like you always do.”

“I will!” She practically spat at him and he turned away. If the murderous look made her shiver the last look he gave her made her heart ache. What was she trying to do here?

*******

What did you think?  Is the plot thickening or what?  You decide!  All this week until Monday I need to know does Amber go after Kadin or William?

Pretty soon I will be posting a picture of Amber!  Should I do it in the next post?
Part 4

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