Home > Flash Fiction > Flash Fiction: All in the Family

Flash Fiction: All in the Family

He did not see movement till it was too late.  As the hand connected with flesh, Josh found himself on the floor looking up at his brother.

 

“Well that was uncalled for.”

 

“You slept with my wife!  You traitorous brother I will kill you!” Adam screamed.

 

“I thought she was my wife.  Besides, it was only fair because you slept with mine.  Brothers share.”  Josh calmly replied.  He was a tad drunk.

 

Adam glared at his younger brother.  “You are no brother of mine any longer.  I never want to see you again.”

 

Josh watched Adam walk away.  Little did Adam know of the scar slowly forming on his brother’s back.  Traitorous?  Joshua had nearly been killed by the snake that was Adam’s wife.  It was a secret he was prepared to live with if it meant protecting Adam.

 

It was only one secret among many.

 

The family burden was heavy tonight.

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  1. October 13, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    Intriguing. Where’s the rest of the story? 😉 lol I wanna know what’s going on. 🙂

  2. October 13, 2011 at 12:53 PM

    Heh, I may combine this with the Belltower piece but that stuff comes after NaNo and will be part of ROW 80 2012

    • October 13, 2011 at 1:47 PM

      I completely understand! I look forward to seeing what you come up with. 🙂

  3. October 13, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Hey, Jennifer. Good pacing in the scene. You may want to look more closely at your dialog, though. I don’t know these characters, but especially drunk, I’m not sure some of it is realistic.

    For instance, try saying this out loud, and sounding mad: “You traitorous brother I will kill you!” Does this sound real to you? Again, maybe it is. You know your characters.

    It is possible it is meant to be quirky, especially with the next line… but it’s worth thinking about.

    Sounds intriguing. Good luck with it!

    • October 13, 2011 at 10:47 PM

      Nice feedback. In my defense I just wanted to post a flash fiction and I wrote this about 5 AM and I neglected to do much editing.

      Dialog is not a strong point for me so I am trying to work out the kinks before Nano. More coffee may help lol

  4. October 13, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    Also this was totally pantsing. I have no idea anything about these two. Most likely just throw away scenes.

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